Most people leaders get to where they are by being really good at their jobs—and then telling others how to do theirs. Sounds simple, right? Well, it works… until it doesn’t.
When our default is having all the answers and sharing without being asked, we unintentionally create a cycle where our teams rely on us for direction at every junction instead of learning how to think critically. It’s exhausting, unsustainable, inefficient, and honestly, it stops our team members from growing and reaching their full potential.
Say Hello to Your “Advice Monster”
Ever catch yourself interrupting someone mid-sentence because you already know what they should do? Congratulations, that’s your Advice Monster rearing its ugly head. Michael Bungay Stanier, in his TED Talk, talks about how leaders instinctively jump to giving advice—even when it's not needed.
Why do we do this? Because it feels great. Solving problems makes us feel competent, helpful, and, let’s face it, a little bit like a superhero. But here’s the catch: When we swoop in with our endless (often unsolicited) wisdom, employees become passive, their problem-solving skills fade, and they start waiting for us to save the day.
The solution? Coaching. Instead of handing out solutions like candy, great leaders ask powerful questions that help their teams build their own problem-solving muscles. Leaders don’t need all the answers—they just need better questions.
Curiosity is your secret weapon. When you shift from telling to asking, you invite your team to engage, think critically, and take ownership of their work. The result? More confident, capable teams who don’t need you to do their thinking for them.
So, next time you feel that familiar “oh! Oh! I’ve got this” impulse to jump in with advice, take a beat, bite your tongue, and ask one of these questions instead:
“What options have you considered?”
“What’s the real challenge here?”
“What would success look like for you?”
TL;DR: Don’t react automatically by giving advice to your team. Decide consciously—does this situation call for advice, or can you guide them with a question? Pause before giving advice. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself: Is this a moment to tell or to coach?
Here’s my challenge for you: Try it for a week. For one week, resist the urge to immediately dish out advice when a challenge comes up. Instead, ask one coaching question and see what happens.
And if you’re ready to elevate your leadership and develop coaching skills that have lasting impact? Sign up to join our coaching program. Let’s make leadership less about unleashing our “Advice Monster” and more about empowering your team to look inwards.